Those Tonnes

Starting a new blog soon

2010-03-10T16:52:00.002-06:00

I just started using Google Reader and realized that I haven't blogged on this since 2008 - that is over a year ago. With a new baby, dislocated tailbone, buying a house, and working full time blogging hasn't been my priority until recently.

Recently, the Lord has been putting it on my heart to blog again but for a different reason. To blog so that I can make money from it and eventually, Lord willing, work only part time. With that being said I will be leaving this blog soon to start a new blog on wordpress.

This blog will be called Party Planning on a Pinch. The Lord has given me the gift of hospitality and a joy to serve people by hosting parties for them. By parties I mean dinners with good friends, Baby Showers, Wedding Showers, and soon Birthday Parties. I love to see what I can do with a couple of hostess and less than a $100 most of the time.

Be looking for my new blog to be released in the next month or so with my first several posts on a baby shower that I am throwing for my dear friend Abby who is expecting a sweet baby boy in May. Abby and I have known each other for years and I am so excited to try some new ideas for baby showers on her and to bless her with the biggest diaper cake ever made by Angela Northcutt and lots of onesies for Ari, meaning Lion of God, to wear.

I will post on here when Party Planning on a Pinch has its premier date. Pray with me that in 3-5 years I will have enough followers to make some extra money for my family and that I people would start paying me to plan their wedding receptions, or birthday parties or whatever. I want my Parties to Glorify God in every aspect. From the amount of money spent, to the hostess gift, to the Prayers at the event, to making the party/shower/wedding calm for whoever decides to let me use there money to throw one for them.

I don't know why the Lord has called me to blog on Word Press with my new blog - but He has and I will follow him. Can't wait to see, Lord willing as James teaches us to preach, what the Lord does with my blog. Pray and hope with me if you are still reading here!

Can't Believe Christmas is Almost Here

2008-12-19T21:21:00.002-06:00

After a 4th month hiatus I am back.

It dawned on me this week that Christmas is next week - that in less than 7 days it will be Christmas. It doesn't really feel like Christmas to me. We haven't finished our shopping and our tree is only half up. This is the first Christmas in a long time that I feel like I haven't gone all out. Maybe its because I am tired, work is stressful, or that Christmas decorations are great, but Jesus is better. I really hope it is the last one and I am not just getting lazy.

This Christmas Matt and I didn't ask for much, because the Lord has given us so much this year. We both have good jobs, a roof over our heads, and food. We do need things, but we are so blessed compared to most of the world, especially right now.

This season we are trying to not focus on the eternal things of Christmas, but focus on the incarnation of Christ and what that means for us as sinners. Every Christmas I am more blown away that the Lord came to earth and lived as a man and did it willingly and then willingly died for us. What a Great God we serve.

So take a moment this week amidst the last minute Christmas shopping, and stress of finishing up work, and maybe even the stress and family and remember that Jesus came to earth as a baby and even then He was our Savior. Thank Him that He came, was tempted but never succumbed to it, and then died for us.

We love all of you and wish you a Merry Christmas!

Trying to find Balance in Life...

2008-08-10T12:44:00.002-05:00

So I usually think of myself as a pretty organized person who can juggle a lot of things and still do them well - lately the Lord has showed me that I am not.

Since starting me job at Colonial I feel like my organization and the ability to find balance is sorely lacking. I feel like at work I can't organize all the projects that I need to do and at home I feel like our house is a wreck. Not to mention time with Matt.

With this whole balance thing, I have felt like my priorities have been skewed. The Lord and Matt should be getting the most of me and not work. How do I juggle all these things, how do I give God and Matt the most of me? These are questions I am continuely asking myself.

If you are reading this and you are a wife and work a full-time job, or have worked a full-time job, how do you balance everything? How do you be everything you need to be and still have time for yourself?

I really wish the feminist movement never would have happened, because if it never happened then wives would be able to just be wives, and not working wives, and moms would just be able to be stay at home moms and not working moms.

The Lord is slowly chipping away at my control issues and showing me that I am serving my husband and Him by working. The fact that I am broken means that perfect balance in life will never happen with me - it needs to be Him working in me. Now if I could just believe that truly. Still working on that one. Praise the Lord that I am not a finished product just yet - for now I will just be a work in progress.

2 years and going!

2008-07-06T14:25:00.004-05:00

Sorry for my brief hiatus from blogging. I realized a few days ago that it has been almost a month since I have blogged. My job involves me using my computer for most of the day so when I come home I am just down right computered out. But that is no excuse, I will try to blog and comment more frequently again.

And on to the real post...

Matt and I just celebrated our two year anniversary. I cannot believe that it is already 2 years. Sometimes I feel like it has been a long time that we have been married, in a good way, and other times I am like it has been so short.

Our 2nd year of marriage was way easier than the first. The Lord has been so gracious to us. This year my health was a lot better, and the I feel like the Lord has taken us out of the transition stage of marriage. Our love has gotten even stronger for each other and for the Lord.

We celebrated our anniversary in Austin this year and I wanted to share some pictures with everyone. Enjoy!

Matt took me to a place called Hamilton Pool.
Its a natural pool that is formed in a cavern.
The water was cold but it was so beautiful!

Here is a picture of us together at Hamilton Pool.
See how beautiful it is!

We decided that on this trip we would only eat at
local places. This is us at Uchi at our anniversary dinner.
It is supposedly the best sushi place in Austin.
It definitely exceeded our expectations.

We also visited the capital building while we are there.
Interesting fact, our capital is taller that
the US Capital. Go Texas!

Here is me outside the capital.
It is so big, Matt couldn't fit me and the whole
capital in the picture.

The lights in the capital building
say Texas on them.
Our tour guide, loved Texas, it was great.

Here is Matt standing in front of a canyon
that was given to Texas to use in the Civil War,
I think, don't hold me accountable to that.

We we were walking back to our car
after we visted the Capital we
saw a State Trooper blocking the street.
We thought that was so weird, and
we kept walking and we began to think
someone had hit our car.
Well they did not hit our car, but got pretty close.
It was so close you could not fit your hand through it.
There was people standing around,
probably thinking why are these people taking
pictures of the accident.
We just kept thinking we have to blog about this.
Our car almost got clowed!

Needless to say we loved our trip. It was great to celebrate what God has done in our marriage and to dream about the future. We cannot wait to see what the Lord is going to do in our marriage over the next year and through out our life time. We are so thankful to also have friends and family to walk along side of us on this journey. Our God is so good!

I am done waiting...

2008-06-08T00:08:00.004-05:00

I am done waiting for a job. The Lord is His grace provided me a job this week. I am the newest Administrative Assistant at Colonial Properties Trust in the Dallas Regional Office.

This week was hard for me, because the Lord gave me this job a week ago, and made me wait another week until I could have it. I had to take a drug test, and wait for like 4 days to get it back. Now I was not worried that I was going to pass the drug test, just worried they might catch some of my endometriosis medication on it. Fortunately everything came back a ok!

As most of you know, waiting on this job as been hard for me. Everyone kept telling me the right one will come along, its just not time yet. Well I had a really hard time believing that, because I have had some awful jobs in the past, and I just thought that this time around it was going to be the same scenario. The Lord had a different plan for me, it just didn't happen immediately.

That reminds me. Sarah Myles told me that when we don't trust God we are like orphans and not adopted sons . Orphans don't have a father to look up to so they just do whatever they want and don't trust anyone. Sons have a Father. A Father whom is the Guardian and Provider. I am happy this time that I chose to be a daughter and not an orphan. This time I waited and trusted in the Lord, even though it was hard, and it was so worth it.

You're the God of this Country

2008-05-28T16:54:00.002-05:00

God has been really speaking to me a lot today about what to pray for for the Burmese people. A couple of weeks ago when I met with Katherine Rudisill she told me her thoughts about storms. Her thoughts were that storms come to different areas, countries, etc because something needs to happen there. Either people need to be made aware of what is happening, or darkness needs to be wiped out, or people need to get there to help (or any combination of the 3). I really digested this and thought it was very interesting that the Lord revealed that to her.

If anyone knows me well, they know that I don't like storms. They make me scared and depressed, but this interpretation about storms gave me hope. She also told me to turn storms into prayers, for example, see them in pictures. When it rains, as the Lord to rain down on your heart and clean out the junk there.

So when I heard about the Burmese cyclone I started pondering. Starting asking questions of why the storm hit Burma, why did it not hit any other country as bad? He has been answering that question ever since. He has been answering it with news, with people from the Village who went there, and today the internet.

The Burmese are an oppressed people. There government is very corrupt, and renamed the country in the early 90s because the Junta government wanted to make their presence known to the rest of the world. They are primarily Buddhist. They have a large AIDS epidemic. They are the source of human trafficking in Asia, and a large distributor of opium. They have lots of resources, but their government is not letting them use it. And as most of you know, they didn't want any help to come in after the cyclone, leaving their people hopeless and helpless.

The Lord showed me to pray for the protection of these people. That the gospel would flood the peoples hearts, especially the governments hearts, like the cyclone flooded the country. He lead me to pray for the women and children who are sold into the sex trade and made to fight in the military. He just kept showing me to pray that He would flood over the people. That He would be made known.

And lastly He showed me to pray this song (God of this City) over Burma, will you pray it along with me..

You're the God of this city, You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation, You are
You're the Light in this darkness, You're the Hope to the hopeless
You're the Peace to the restless, You are

There is no one like our God, there is no one like our God

For greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city
Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city

Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done here

I felt helpless when I read all these things about Burma. I immediately wanted to do something, but knew that little me could not do much, but pray. The Lord is the God of these people, and He sent this cyclone to this country so that we would intercede for them. Even though Burma is no longer in the news, they are still hurting and in darkness. Pray that the Lord's light would shine brightly where it is dark. There really is no one like our God.

Lets Get Back to the Weekend

2008-05-27T11:01:00.002-05:00

Summer started this weekend for Matt and I. We went to the lake with some friends from Home Group and we also went to my Dad's house for a Pool Party. We enjoyed some good food, lots of laughter, great friends and family, and of course some sun. Wish you could have all been there with us. Enjoy the pictures below:

Relaxing together!

Family picture (minus Bev)

Balancing Act

We call this one Bubbles!

Say Goodbye to Criswell!

2008-05-12T18:03:00.006-05:00

After six years of lots of papers, exams, and one major thesis my baby is done with school. I am so proud of him he has worked so hard and he is finally done. People keeping asking us what Matt is going to do now that he has graduated. The answer is simple, he is going to stay put at the Village as the Children's Ministry Associate. The Lord was gracious enough to provide this jo b before he had graduated. This does not happen a lot in ministry, but we are so grateful that the Lord provided abundantly with it.

Anyways, here is the good stuff; pictures of the graduation:

The tassel is just right in this picture!

We all look so confused...I am looking the wrong direction, made is in daze, and his grandma looks freightened...

Me and my College Graduate Husband!

Note the crooked Criswell sign, as I always say Criswell is such a fine college! ; )

Yesterday...was hard

2008-05-09T10:50:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I doubted God was good, that He had my best interests in mind. I doubted that He knew what was best for me. It was a hard day, that had lots of crying involved.

The Lord had been telling me all week to wait on him, with my job situation. To trust Him with the job interviews that He had given me. But yesterday proved miserable. 2 of the 3 jobs that I applied for decided to go another direction. I was hurt and disappointed. Kept thinking I must be destined to have a crappy job. A job I hate.

I really wanted one of the jobs I was asked to interview for. I had already applied for 3 other jobs at this place and I was told the 3 times that they went with someone else. I thought this 4th time would be different, or I wouldn't have said yes I will go in and interview. I got frustrated mostly because they already knew that I had applied for 3 other jobs and then asked me for to come in for this one. I felt betrayed and cheated. Not mad that they didn't chose me as much as I was mad that the knew that this would be my 4th letdown. I was hurt.

Today is a different day. I still feel like I am in the wilderness with jobs, but I feel better. I am still mad and frustrated, but turning towards that and pressing into Him. I don't feel as hurt about the whole 4th letdown. I am trying to trust the Lord even though it is so hard.

I went to Orientation and realized the job was not for me..

2008-04-27T20:07:00.002-05:00

So many of you have been asking for updates about the job interviews that I recently had. Well I was offered the job at GFM, and I took it, but it did not turn out the way I thought it would.

Friday I had orientation, and it did not go well. The job was made for someone that had way more experience than I currently have. It was not for a regular Admin, but for a Director of Administration. Pretty much for someone to run the office and do Admin stuff as well. So I got overwhelmed because everything they were teaching me I could not do and that was going to be my only day of training. I would be the only full-time person in the office, and the Director would be there, but it would be hard to ask him questions.

So needless to say it was more work than I could handle. It was stuff that I could learn, but it would be hard to learn it without someone to lean on. So Matt and I talked about it, and realized it was not the job for me. That I need something that needs a little less experience and someone to mentor me along the way. I had a long conversation with my boss and pretty much told him I would be a disservice to his ministry. He was well receptive, and I feel freedom.

I know that there is something out there for me. Something that I can do and excel in, I just have to trust God with that. Working at GFM was not that for me, even though I really thought the Lord was leading me there, but now I see He was putting up some markers in my heart about somethings that worried me for a reason. I am so embarrassed to write that I didn't take this job. But it a freeing thing at the same time. I need to listen to the Lord and not just appease men.

So I will close with a prayer...

Thank you for showing me o Lord that this is not where you have me. Lord I want to do your will above all us. Show me where you want me to invest in. Lord give me favor in the eyes of the hiring manager at the jobs that I am applying for. Lead me to your cross in whatever I do. Give me discernment about where I should go. Close doors and open others so that I may glorify you. Thank you for the support of my husband, who shows me your path and corrects me when I am heading off of it. Help me on this narrow path to find joy in you. Amen.

I have an Interview

2008-04-17T10:00:00.002-05:00

I have been getting lots of leads on jobs this week, which has been such a blessing from the Lord. Last night I got a call back from one of them. They need an Admin to start immediately. The job is at a non-profit agency in Dallas that reaches out to Muslims. It is run by Christian Arabs who have converted from Islam.

It would definitley be out of my comfort zone, but I think it might be good for me. I have always had a heart for the East. Not that my calling is specifically to minister to Muslims, but to minister to all people. That is the great comission. I want to travel to Asia someday, which terrifies me, but the gospel is not safe, and the Lord is so good.

I would love to be able to equip the people of this ministry through doing Admin work for them. I feel a lot of times that God has called me to be an equipper. I feel that about Kids Village and I feel that about the talents the Lord has given me. I am very organized, love to make documents and spreadsheets. I want to always improve things. The one thing about the job that is hard for me is that they will be using a lot of Adobe products. I am willing to learn. So that is what I will be doing if I get this job. I pray they are open to the fact that I don't have a lot of experience, but I am not opposed to learning.

Pray that if this is the job for me then the Lord would direct that. That he would give Matt and I discernment about this position. And that the ministry would have direct too. That we would be able to come together in agreement. Thank you.

My Poor Civic

2008-04-15T10:00:00.002-05:00

I was asked to write a memoir by my dear friend Caroline Mays, but that will have to wait, because I have another "clowed" story that needs to be shared.

Last night, I got off work and walked down to my car, and what did I see shattered glass and a hole in my passenger window. At this moment I realized holy crap someone broke into my car. Then I looked inside and realized they had stolen my mp3 player. Later Matt informed me they also stole my sunglasses. I walked around to the drivers side and found a note on my car. Someone had seen the accident and they couldn't find me to tell me what had happened.

So I walked inside and reported this to the security guard. She had just arrived on her shift and had no clue. So we called the supervisor and she told me that someone broke in at 1pm. Got the complete discription and everything, but by the time the realized what had happened it was too late.

I called the cops, it took them an 1.5 hours to come out and do a 5 minute look at my car. That was a waste of time. While I was waiting I called GEICO and they told me that we were going to have to pay our deductible to get it fixed. I was not happy about that and neither was Matt. So Matt called David Morin, our home group leader who works at a dealership, and he told us he could fix it for $200. Praise the Lord! David even let us borrow his car for a day. God is so gracious to us.

Needless to say, I was frustrated, but not that frustrated. My poor civic keeps getting hurt, and that makes me sad, but it is not eternal. This whole incident showed us that we should not hold onto our valuables tightly. They will not go with us to heaven. It made us realize we need to focus on what is eternal, not of this world, and not things of this world. Also, on a side note, GEICO is a fabulous insurance company. If you have a crappy one think about changing to GEICO, they have been nothing but friendly too us.

Recovering, Find a New Job, and Invisalign are no fun..

2008-04-11T09:59:00.002-05:00

I bet you are thinking, that is a really strange title for a post. But that was the best way to get your attention about the past couple of weeks at the Tonne household, well me in particular.

Last Friday, I had a meeting with my head boss. He asked me how I thought the job was going since I only had 2 more weeks left until my probation period was over. Well I informed him that I didn't think the job was for me. Cold calling is not my passion, and that I don't think I want to continue to work here after my temp period is over. Pretty much told him it was no offense to this company, just can't do this job well.

So needless to say I am now looking for a new job. And well that is a full-time job in itself. And when I get home from work I am so tired, and the last thing I want to do is look at a computer screen when I need to rest so my endometriosis doesn't flair up to bad. I am narrowing my pursuits to looking for a job in the Admin world. So if you see an Admin job somewhere flag me done and let me know.

I am still recovering my car accident. I went for a massage this week to work out some of the knots and it helped, but not completely. I still wake up pretty sore, and then after sitting in a desk it makes it flair up. Matt has been sweet and has been rubbing in. It has now been two weeks I better be down hill from now on.

And yes, I do now have braces again. This is the third time, and that doesn't make me happy. But this time my braces are invisalign. So they just look like retainers, and that is pretty good, except, it is a pain in the butt to eat. They make the trays really tight so that the move the teeth, but everytime you want to eat you have to take them out. And that is like a 5 minute process in itself. The bottom ones are really hard to get out, since they put a nice bracket on my canine tooth. But in three months they will be off and I will be on my way to getting a bridge, and never having to wear a retainer again, or say the phrase I got to put my teeth back in before you take a picture. That makes me sad, because it always gets a good laugh. Also, I can't close my mouth when the retainers are in. So thats funny!

If you made it through this post, you are a champ. Lastly, the Lord has been gracious to me the past couple of weeks, with all these changes I am handling stuff pretty well. Its like I am living in freedom, and not bondage anymore. That a great feeling.

I have been "Clowed"...

2008-03-27T12:50:00.003-05:00

For most of you, the title of this post makes no sense at all, but for some of you, you will read that line and laugh. Let me recap what being "Clowed" means for all of you.

In college, I had a term that was dubbed for me, not because I was cool or anything, but because so many weird and strange things happened to me. The term was called being "clowed". When weird, awkward stuff happened, my friends would just say you have been clowed. This caught on and anyone who was close to me was soon "clowed". My sweet husband has been "clowed" many times. I guess it is fitting now, that I have been "tonned" or you have been "tonned".

Well this week, Tuesday to be exact, on the way to work I was "clowed". I was driving down Beltline and was stopped at at intersection of Nix and Beltline and I was rear-ended. Rear-ended so hard that my sunglasses came off. Needless to say all of this moment was a blur and I just remember saying holy crap what just happened. I proceeded to get out of my car and see that the damage was not that great, but I knew that I got whiplashed. So I proceeded to pull over with the person behind me that hit me. Got all his information and drove off. Not knowing that the whiplash would hurt me more than I thought.

I get to work, about 10 minutes later, and I am hurting. The pain has moved from not only my head to now my neck and to my back. I spent 1 1/2 on the phone and I was on my way to the doctor. After driving around finally found a place that would see me. They took a few xrays and said I should be sore. Here are some muscle relaxers and go rest.

Fast forward to today. I am hurting so bad it makes me want to cry. Sitting, walking, standing, almost everything hurts. I went to the chiropractor yesterday and they didn't do much, but told me I need to get a lawyer because the insurance might not pay. Needless to say that was frustrating. I decided to go back to work today, probably not the best idea, but I did it. Its lunch time and I don't know how much longer I can go. After every call I just want to scream from the pain. The lawyer is coming out tonight, so we will see if we need him after all.

This week has been one of those "clowed" weeks. On top of the accident and hurting, I got summoned for jury duty in April. This is just Matt and I's life. I need to write a book.

Why am I not better...

2008-03-17T15:14:00.002-05:00

Its been a week, a week since I found out that I had a sinus infection and that I irritated my stomach. Why am I not better, and why is it getting worse. Everyday is a battle if I am going to make it through or not.

I feel like in my life, at least with my health, is that when it rains it pours. I hate having to take so many medications. I want to be better. But that is not what the Lord has for me right now. So I remain patient, because He is my Deliverer. He will Deliverer me from this in his time, and his time only. Nothing is on my timeframe nothing.

Please pray for me. Pray that this constant headache and stomachache goes away. That I would be faithful to rest, eat right, and listen to my body. I am just happy that I have friday off this week. Thank you Jesus.

Per Kim's Request

2008-03-04T12:54:00.022-06:00

Here you go, Kim...

Ten years ago...

I was 13 years old, I was in 8th grade, was just starting to get use to the Woodlands, my best friends were Jackie Walker and Veronica Espinosa, and I had my first boyfriend

My to do list today...

Got up and checked the weather, no snow on the ground

Work at RSI until 5

Read my bible

Pick up my perscription at Target

Spend some time with Matt

Crash

What would I do if I suddenly became a billionaire...
Get out of debt and buy a house

Give, Give, Give (to the Village, to our families, missions, Susan G. Komen)

Buy lots of gifts for my friends and families

Travel

Set up a trust fund for our kids

After all of that I would save and live off the interest

Five jobs I've had...
Courtesy Clerk @ Albertsons

Sales Associate @ the Shipping Store

Back-end Manager @ the Buckle

Associate Trainer @ Panera Bread

Suspect Caller @ RSI

Five things people don't know about me...

I played lacrosse in High School, imagine an awkward person with a lacrosse stick

I decided to go to UNT without ever stepping foot on campus until freshman orientation

I don't like putting clothes away, I have no problem washing them, but putting away another story

I have a bad habit of biting my nails

I never wanted to get married or have children until I met Matt

Three of my worst habits...

1. I bite my nails

2. I am too hard on myself all the time

3. I repeat stuff until someone responds

Tag! Amanda, Faith, Angela, Jen

Its a New Month

2008-03-03T12:40:00.002-06:00

I am so glad that it is March now. The last 3 Februaries have not been the best for Matt and I. The first February we were together I had a laproscopy, and Valentines Day was spent eating pizza and my apartment. The second February, I was really sick again and I colored him a picture and he bought his own Valentines gift. I had another laproscopy later on in that month. The third February, the one that just happened. I had an ovarian cyst rupture and again Valentines Day was put on hold. I keep referencing Valentines Day because that is what I think of when I think of February. Needless to say Valentines Day for us is never uneventful, fortuantely we don't need a day to love each other, we love each other everyday.

Things I am hoping/praying for for March. First, that I will get pregnant this month and we will not have to spend a ton of money going to an infertility doctor. Second, that most of the month I am healthy. Third, that Matt finishes his papers before they are due, and that I am patient with that. Fourth, that we get a routine down. With work starting, I feel like we just kind of go from place to place without really experiencing anything. I pray that I am more adjusted this month and that I am able to do all the things around the house that I use to. Fifth, that we focus less on ourselves this month and more on the others around us. Meaning that we focus more on our neighbors, families, and friends. And chose to love the Lord first, others second, and us third. Sixth, that we just enjoy this time of life we have.

We are never guaranteed that life will be comfortable, we are just guaranteed that whatever the Lord does in our life is for His glory. I pray this month that Matt and I are okay with whatever comes our way. That whatever "sacrifice" that the Lord has for us that we would accept it. This is my hope for everyone that is near and dear to us. That we would stop fighting God, because we have nothing to barter, and just let His grace overflow.

Quick Update

2008-02-21T12:32:00.000-06:00

My depression has gotten so much better, thank you for all the prayers. Because the Lord just took it away Matt and I have decided that I don't need to get back on the anti-depressants. Pray that the Lord continues to give us guidance. The Lord is so gracious to us so often.

Secondly, I did childcare last night and I think I may have hurt my self. I am having severe pain again where my cyst ruptured last week. Pray that the pain goes away. I even started spotting again, which I haven't done in a few days. Pray that the pain is just because I stretched myself too much.

Thank you for your prayers!

Why I enjoy the Village

2008-02-20T15:07:00.002-06:00

The past week has been a hard week for me. With my cyst rupturing, learning that I am going to keep making them, being home by myself too long, and depression ravishing me with avengence. But in the mist of all of it the Lord has reached out to me in many ways from the people of the Village. This post is dedicated to them.

First, Faith Morin. My sweet home group leader. When I went to the hospital I called her and she prayed for me. When I got really depressed this weekend, she brought me food. She continually listens to me and doesn't judge, just speaks truth and prays. The Lord has blessed Matt and I so much with the Morins.

Second, Erin and Ted Wzazlwoski. I know I totally butchered there last name. I knew when I got bad on Saturday, that I could call them. Erin has been a constant support the last few months. On Saturday, when the depression was at the lowest they let us come to their house, vent and seek help. They sat and prayed with us. They are constantly checking up on us and letting us know its okay to call. Erin's struggles with this in the past have allowed me to see that I am not crazy and the Lord is doing something great in me. Thank you.

Third, my Intimate Issues Bible Study. Last night, I went and just cried and Beth Broom just listened. Renee a member of the group, who is becoming a good friend, said how can I help. I said just prayer, and she was like how about I come over to your house and clean. She offered with out hesitation. We spent a lot of time in prayer last night, and being in a room with those godly women seeking out to the Lord for each one of us was a true encouragement. Beth prayed that the Lord's grace would flow over me like a waterfall. I have kept that mental picture in my mind today.

There are many more of you. I could write volumes about how the people of the Village have blessed are lives. But my time is short. Thank you to all of you who are in Matt and my life. Being around you shows us Christ, and shows us how it is okay to not be okay.

One last thing...I am feeling better, still hurting but back to work. Struggling with depression pretty hard, and have gotten back on medication to help right now. It has been hard for me to confess that I am not okay and I need a little bit of help more than just counseling. I know that is what the Lord wanted me to do, its just hard. Pray for a continued lift in my spirit.

Over the Hill and through 1-35 to the Hospital we go...

2008-02-12T11:35:00.000-06:00

Last night about 6:30pm I had this pain in my abdomen that made me double over in pain. I could not move and it hurt to talk. Now this pain was different then my regular endometriosis pain, it felt like I had torn something. After researching on the internet, taking my temperature, and calling several friends we decided to go to the ER. The symptoms were presenting like it was an appendicitis and the pain was not subsiding.

So we indeed went over the hill and drove down 1-35 and made it to the Lewisville Hospital. We waited for some time in the waiting room with lots of people with the flu and finally were called. The pain was not getting any better and it was now about 9pm.

The ER PA came and saw me and told me they were going to have to run some tests and they would start and IV soon with some pain meds. Now I hate IVs, they can never stick me and it just hurts. Needless to say last night was no different. I was stuck 5 times before they finally got a "flash". So now I have battle wounds from the ER.

Did they did several tests: blood work, the lovely pelvic exam, a CT Scan, and finally and ultrasound. And they found out that I had an ovarian cyst that ruptured. We praised the Lord that they found something and it was not too serious.

They discharged me with motrin and hydrocodone. This was about 3am.

Needless to say last night was fun. Today I am follow-up with my gyno. Please pray that there was no complications from this rupture. I don't feel like there is because I haven't turned white and I am not throwing up. One of the biggest concerns is internal bleeding.

So today I rest because it still hurts really bad. I have heard it takes 2-3 days for this pain to subside. But maybe after this I will be pain free. Matt and I were thinking that this may have been making my endometriosis worse. I will update you when the updates come

Our Cruise...in Pictures

2008-01-30T18:49:00.000-06:00

The Ocean

After the Chuggin' Contest

Chichen Itza (one of the 7 wonders of the world)

The Planetarium at Chichen Itza

I am not stuck I promise

Gotta love the towel animals

Last night on the Cruise...our waiters Jayson (right) and Nyoman (left) were so great!

Buring Matt in the Sand

That's right we are in the Ocean in January

Josh's lifelong dream of holding a monkey came true...vacation is complete!

Smoochy, smoochy, in front of the cruise ships!

2 hour bus rides in Mexico = nap

We thought this guy looked just like Kevin from the Office

Funny faces on Formal Night

Mayfield's doing funny faces

Hott Fuzz anyone?

Oh no we are getting eaten by a shark...

Our room!

Men being men...

Looks just like Las Vegas

Imitating the Carnival Symbol

Elvis was on our ship and we got a pic with him...

Don't you want to go on a cruise now....

We are back

2008-01-17T19:17:00.000-06:00

Matt and I arrived back today from our cruise. I feel like our house is moving, if you have been on a cruise you know what I am feeling...

Overall the cruise was a blast, however, the massive waves from Cozumel to Progresso were not. You think it would be a big ship and it would not be so bad, but it was.

Our favorite part of the cruise was probably sitting on the deck of the ship and reading, looking out at the ocean and knowing that at any moment the Lord could calm these seas. That he is so much bigger than the eye can see.

Cozumel was another favorite. We spent the first part of the day shopping, more hectic than I thought but fun. The rest of the day was spent playing on the beach. Yes, we were in the ocean in January.

In Progresso we took a two hour bus ride to Chichen Itza. One of the 7 wonders of the world. It has a very interesting history, the Mayans were an interesting people, but very lost. Lots of sacrifices to the sun. I am so grateful for our Jesus and the He is our ultimate sacrifice.

The food was gourmet most nights and the shows were great. The last night the ship played battle of the sexes and I did a competition. I competed against Josh (the husband of the friends that came with us). It was a chugging contest. Needless to say I lost. We were suppose to chug diet coke, which first I hate, and secondly I don't drink soda. Josh won!

We are happy to be home today and ready to get back into our routine. I have a promising job interview tomorrow, but I am trying not to get my hopes up.

I'll post pictures later, when the rocking stops that is...I can't look at the computer screen any longer...

We are sailing away tomorrow

2008-01-11T10:30:00.001-06:00

Tomorrow, oh tomorrow Matt and I will be sailing away. Tomorrow we will be on ship to Mexico. Enjoying a limitless menu and sun galore. But that is tomorrow, today is preparation. I still need a dress and a pair of shorts, heels, tank top. You guess it I need it. I had all my outfits planned until bam, I tried them on and some of them didn't fit. This proceeded to not be a good thirty minutes. I should not complain because well it is in a good region that they don't fit, but its just hard.

I hate trying on clothes like I hate applying for jobs. I don't know what clothing manufactures think when they make clothes. I am like no one's body is like that.

Enough of that, lets keep dreaming...

Jobs....oh Jobs

2008-01-08T08:40:00.000-06:00

Hi Friends!

This week has been an incredible weeks filled with jobs. Last week I finally released control over my job. The Lord has blessed me with so many options. But I am still fearful of what to take. Not so much fearful but scared. I haven't worked 40 hours a week since high school (during Christmas Break and Summer).

Today I have two job interviews...

The first one is in Lewisville at a Mortgage Company. I would be doing customer service/collections for them for the 1st 6 months and then by then I could be promoted. Collections is not what I thought I would ever do, but the hours are appealing and I never have to work overtime. And it is literally right down the street which means no commute at all. I love that.

The second one is in Plano at a Psychologist's Office called GearingUp. The main psychologist is on CBS. They are not like C3 but do the same thing. It is for an Administrative position. It would be great to show Jesus to these people. I don't know what the pay is, but I do know it is about 30 minutes away.

So if they each offer me this job I have too options. I feel like I could be an ambassador of Christ in both places. I am really leaning toward the Collections job. The hours are kind of random, but would work out this semester for Matt and I.

Well I have to finish getting ready, please pray along with me that the Lord would give me discernment about either one of these jobs, or if I should continue to hold out for something else. I really would like to work at Komen, but I don't think that is what God has for me right now.

P.S. Thank you so much for so much encouraging comments on my last entry. It really meant a lot to me.

Forecast....painfree!

2008-01-04T11:24:00.000-06:00

I write this post with a huge smile on my face. I had a follow-up appointment with my Pain Management Doctor. It seems that it worked. I thought for a while that my nerve block didn't work, but then this week after my cycle had stopped I was pain free. It is the greatest feeling in the world.

My Doctor was really excited too. He was like now we just have to get you off your meds and away you go. So in about a week, if everything works, I should be off all my pain killers.

This is amazing...

Going to the Pain Management clinic was a hard decision for Matt and I. But it really did change my life. God used Dr. Ogin to help me, to listen, and to make me pain free. We feel like all the people that work there are our family. They were excited for us, and they talk to us.

We can't wait to someday show them our baby, in the Lord's timing, and thank them so much because they helped us get there.

2008 is looking up...

Fasting

2008-01-02T15:11:00.001-06:00

Because of my health fasting from food is hard for me. So during Venture I have decided to fast from TV. That is I cannot watch television on Wednesdays in January until after Venture at 8:30pm.

Today is my first day and it has been hard. I have been really productive applying for jobs. I have spent some good time with the Lord in prayer and crying. Crying because of the frustration of not having a job. Praying that I am completely helpless to find a job without him.

The reason I decided to fast from TV is because I pretty much become a mindless zombie watching it. Instead of watching like one episode I end up watching like 4 hours. I don't get the things done that I am suppose to and it further sends me into a downward spiral.

Well I am off to other session of counseling. Which has been so good for me. Every time I leave I feel like I have more tools. It has helped me to see myself more like Jesus.

I hope to see all of you at Venture tonight.

I am getting bored here...

2007-12-31T17:27:00.000-06:00

I need a job, enough said. I am so bored sitting around the house. I know I should be doing things, but then I have no motivation. Our house is a mess and well a part of me cares, and a part of me doesn't. I don't do well without schedules, I just put and put things off. I need structure.

Not to mention that I feel like I am just in the holding cell of waiting...waiting to lose weight. Which I am taking active steps to do. Waiting to get pregnant, waiting for a job, waiting for the lies to go away.

There is probably a bigger issue here. Probably one that I continually face...my issue of needing to do things so I feel important. The lie that rest is not good, I did something wrong and that is why I am sick. I don't see how God could love me when I just fail all the time. I am not the perfect wife that I wish I could be. And writing this reminds me of counseling...

I am quick to call myself bad, and that is wrong. Because I call myself bad, I see the Lord differently. I put this label on myself that He does not put on me. Every time I make a mistake I get this feeling that comes over me. It is a lie, that I often entertain...if you keep screwing up people are going to stop loving you, and God is going to stop loving you.

Hold on a second that is not true... righteous acts are filthy rags, I am covered my Jesus. He sees me as his daughter and that is why I am not a failure. The only thing that is bad is my sin. There is nothing that I can do to take away his love.

It is not about doing the right things, but pleading to our Lord that we are in desperate need of him.

Resolutions

2007-12-29T13:52:00.000-06:00

I usually don't do new year's resolutions, because well I don't stick to them. And anyone why do we need to just do resolutions once a year. We should be continually thinking of resolutions.

But as I look back over the year, there is some changes I want to make in 2008. This year has been a tough year for me physically. I had another laproscopy this year, I was put on several horomones that never worked for my endometriosis. I gained 10 -15 lbs (depending on the day) because of my illness.

I am resolving to work out more in 2008. To say that I am afflicted with endometriosis and not diagnosed with it. I am resolving to lose that weight, before I get pregnant. I am also resolving to find a class that I like and stick to it.

This year I have also dealt with depression a lot and feelings of worthlessness. Don't we all feel that way at some time? I am resolving to continue to take my thoughts captive, to press into the Lord more, and going to counseling. Maybe I will do a step study this year?

I am resolving all these things, but know that only the Lord can bring me too freedom in these things. I cannot lose weight without him, fight endometriosis without him, get pregnant without him, fight lies without him, get out of depression without him.

Maybe my resolve this year should be to trust the Lord in everything. That when the things get tough and I am hurting too bad to work out that I resolve to push on because of Jesus. To confess as soon as the lie enters my head and not hours later, to trust that the Creator of Heaven and Earth can take care of me and I cannot take care of myself.

With all that being said, I resolve to continue to press into the Lord this year so I can look more like him!

Apologizing

2007-12-19T23:24:00.000-06:00

Thanks to Caroline Mays you are getting a post.

I honestly don't know what to write. There has been so many things going on, but I don't want to bore you. So I will just discuss a topic...

Since Matt and I were engaged, right before we got married we made a rule. (It could have been before that, but I can't recall). The rule is simple we don't say we are sorry we apologize. Thanks to my previous counselor Katy, we came up with this rule. The reason we came up with this rule is because if we say we are sorry it is usually nonchalant, but apologizing means you really want to take the step to improve the mistake.

It wasn't until tonight that I attributed apologizing to God. I was sitting in counseling and my counselor Randi Rose brought up the point that if I am bitter or anger towards God I need to apologize, not just say that I am sorry. God is my husband. He deserves it. So I apologized to God. I think I have done it before, but it really stuck out to me this time.

Lately, I have been feeling entitlement. Like I have done lots of things for you Lord, but I still hurt. Why is the depression not stopping? That is a wrong way of thinking. I can't make depression go away and I am not entitled to have it go away. If this is how the Lord wants to glorify Himself then He has every right to do.

All my fears are lies and taking my focus off of Him. I have been a lot of me focused and want to be a lot more God focused.

I want to update more, but I don't want to bore you. Maybe I will post later on this week instead of 3 weeks from now.

When we are weak, He is strong

2007-12-04T09:59:00.000-06:00

Depression is still here. Basically it is a bunch of fear. Fear of what to do after graduation, what job am I a suppose to have, will death be scary. Why I keep worrying about death is beyond me. I know that God will be there and I that I will keep existing. I think it is just Satan's way of throwing me of the tracks. Trying to scare me so much that I stop trusting in Jesus. Even though I am struggling with so many things I know that God is still present.

I read two things this morning that said the phrase when we are weak, He is strong. One from Paul Matthies in his monthly update and one from Lauren Taylor, whose husband died last year. I think that the Lord was trying to tell me something. That right now I am broken, downcast, but He is strong. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Even as I write this I am crying. I don't like this at all, I don't like this pain all over my body. Why depression is a part of me I don't know except that somehow it is for God's glory.

The feeling of bondage this week is so strong...Please Lord will you set me free.

Nerve Blocks, JoB Hunting, and Depression

2007-11-28T09:44:00.000-06:00

What a weird title for my post? Well all those things pretty much sum up my life in the past couple of weeks. I have been looking for jobs, and I have gotten a few call backs, but nothing promising. There is a job at Komen that I really want, pray that it works out. There is also another position that is only part-time, but sounds wonderful. And there is a couple of other positions that are here and there, but nothing definite yet.

Besides job hunting, I just got a semi-permanent nerve-block. It hurt really bad. I was in pain for 5 solid days. And the drugs that they gave me, put me into severe depresssion. It is still going on, but better. I just started working about dying, being scared of it, and worried again that I am not pretty. The Lord has been gracious, because he has turned my ear from Satan's lies. I just remember that God promises His children eternal life. And that death is not scary because Jesus beat it. So day by day it is hard, but once I get out I am okay. Please pray for peace. My body has felt effects of this depression hard. Namely my tummy is in knots so much that I am not hungry.

I honestly hate talking about depression, because I feel lame. Why would I worry about dying? I am a Christian, that shouldn't scare me. Why do I worry that I am not pretty? God made me this way and He loves me. I don't know, but I know that God is using this time for something. I feel like I get attacked a lot, and don't know why. It is just what happens to me. It is the path the Lord has set out for Matt and I.

Lastly, still not pregnant. We have been trying, but no success. I am sure that God will give us a child in the perfect time.

Job Interview

2007-10-29T14:31:00.000-05:00

I have a job interview in about an hour and a half. This interview came out of the blue and the job it self came out of the blue. Nothing is weird about God's timing, nothing. So if I get this job then it is completely from the Lord. It has a lot of elements of what I want to do when I graduate and it has a lot of elements that will stretch me. Disorganization is one of them. That seems really hard for me. I love organization, but if the Lord is calling me here I have to trust that He will be sufficient and He will grow me in toleration and patience with that. It is too soon to tell you what and where the job is.

Just pray that if this is the job that I am suppose to be at the Lord would give me peace, and if it is not then He would give me a spirit of discontentment.

Recap

2007-10-27T19:58:00.000-05:00

I decided that this post would be a recap of the week.

While Matt was gone this week I learned a lot. A learned a lot about my priorities, the fact that I don't speak of Jesus as much as I should, I take things for granted, and I am not still enough. While Matt as at Staff Retreat he learned a lot too. We both came to the conclusion that we have better fellowship with God when we have space and quietness. Usually this happens when one of us is gone. We think that it is that way because life gets in the way. While he was gone I had a lot of quiet time with myself. I didn't have to make dinner, and do as many other wifey stuff. He was in nature and had lots of quiet time so that made it easier. When we are both at home working, being husband and wife, the Lord does get put in the back burner. It is wrong and selfish on our parts. So we want to change our priorities, but what does that look like? Fellowship and communion with God has got to be more important. But how do we do that when we work all day and hardly see each other? Ultimately, as Matt puts it, we should realize that we don't need each other more than God. Also, we need to stop spending our time on worthless crap.

So the past week has been spiritually heavy, but physically great. I felt better at the beginning of this week than I have felt in a long time. The Lord blessed the nerve block and made it work properly. I could do everything and I had strength, it was a new concept to me. But the nerve block lasted a week and by Thursday I was in immense pain again. We are going to try it again in a few weeks and if it works again, then we can proceed with a nerve block that will work for 6-9 months. This nerve block was 2 part one, but the next one will be the latter block. That was the one that delivered the most freedom from pain.

The past couple of days I have been tired, extremely tired, really nauseated and haven't felt very good. Sometimes I think I might be pregnant, but then other times I have no clue. All I know is that we started trying a couple of weeks ago so that could be an option. Trying to have kids is funny in itself. Ovulation sticks and laying with your legs up for 10 minutes is just so funny. Never when I thought about my life did I think I would be wanting kids at 23, but well it is the only thing I can thing about. It terrifies me and thrills me at the same time.

In Honor of my Man

2007-10-22T09:10:00.000-05:00

I was tagged a long time ago by Mrs. Kim Corso and I think possibly Mrs. Natalie Patterson as well to talk about my man. Well life got in the way and that never happened. Well in honor of him while he is at staff retreat I am going to blog about him.

Heres to my man...Mr. Matthew David Tonne

1. Who is your man? Matthew David
2. How long have you been together? Since the end of May 2005. We have been married since June 2006. So technically we have been together for a little over 2 years, but have been really together in the marital sense for a little over one year.
3. How long dated? 6 months, when you know you know.
4. How old is your man? 23 years, but he will be 24 in December!
5. Who eats more? That is a toss up, we eat about the same. But when we have meals together he definitely eats more. So he wins!
6. Who said "I love you" first? He did, while he was teaching at College Bible Study. It slipped up while he was talking about me, he had no idea he said it. Later that night at Cotton Patch, oh so romantic, we really said it to each other for the first time. I think it was about 3 months into us dating.
7. Who is taller? He is. Tall and lanky, thats what I like :) (sure Lauren Chandler can attest to that).
8. Who sings better? He does, I don't think he would ever admit it, but he does.
9. Who is smarter? He is, he is a lot better studier than I am. I memorize easily, but he is smarter by far.
10. Whose temper is worse? Mine is. It is getting better because of him though, he challenges me in that area.
11. Who does the laundry? We both do, but I do it most of the time unless my endometriosis is really bad.
12. Who takes out the garbage? He does, that was what we agreed upon during engagement. I don't know if he "happily" does it, but he does, and I am grateful of that.
13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? If you are looking at the bed, I do. That has changed since we have gotten married.
14. Who pays the bills? He does, and he is so good at it. We did make our budget together, I carry the cash, he carries the check book.
15. Who is better with the computer? He is, he is way better at shortcuts, fixing things, etc.
16. Who mows the lawn? Since we don't have a lawn, the lawn men mow our apartment lawn, or patch of yard two stories down from us.
17. Who cooks dinner? Me most of the time, but when he does cook it is awesome, especially his killer spaghetti and cheesy enchiladas.
18. Who drives when you are together? He does usually.
19. Who pays when you go out? He does. He always pays because well he supports me while I get better.
20. Who is most stubborn? Oh my goodness I am, he is pretty calm and a thinker, so he thinks about things before he says them and well I don't.
21. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? Usually me, because I have probably said something that was mean, and I needed to apologize.
22. Whose parents do you see the most? We see my Dad the most. He lives in Corinth so it is really easy to see him, and he is the person in the family that we want to see the most because my dad and step mom are so laid back. And well my mom lives in Houston and Matt's family lives in West Texas so those are pretty far.
23. Who kissed who first? I am kissed him first. He was going to kiss me on the cheek and I turned and we kissed on the lips. That was his first kiss and it was a really special kiss for me. 24. Who asked who out? He asked me out, after a college ministry event.
25. Who proposed? He did, at Parker Square on December 30, 2005, in the gazebo, filled with rose petals.
26. Who is more sensitive? I am definitely more sensitive, it takes a lot for Matt to well up and shed a tear. So at our wedding when he was crying during Before the Throne of God Above, I knew that our wedding day meant a lot to him.
27. Who has more friends? I do. Or at least he would say that.
28. Who has more siblings? I do. I have 2 brothers and he only has one.
29. Who wears the pants in the family? Definitely my husband. The Lord has made him the leader and I am the follower from the first date. Something that I admire and love about my husband every day. When we were dating he told me that if he stopped leading for a second it would be so easy for me to be the leader. But he has never stopped, and the Lord has slowly released me of my control.

Well that's my man in a nutshell. The picture above is at the pumpkin patch in Argyle, TX. It is by far the best pumpkin patch we have ever been too. Take the kiddos, and take lots of pictures and ride the awesome train. More pictures to come.

One last thing...Lee and Andrea Lewis had their baby. Welcome Luke Gabe Lewis into the world!

wait...I am back at Komen

2007-09-28T00:57:00.000-05:00

So Mrs. Kim Corso tagged me to talk about my man...Mr. Matthew David Tonne, but that is for another post when I have more time to write and find a good pic of him to share with the world.

This post is about Komen...

After lots of drama and not knowing what was going to happen I got a email and a call from Komen saying that I am now officially an intern in the Cause Related Marketing Department. Well I have never done marketing, but it should be some good experience. October is their busiest month because it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. So I should have lots of hands on activities to do.
Unfourtantely the internship at the church didn't work, but I am glad this did. I am now going to be able to still graduate in December. Go Mean Green!
Matt and I are off to Winters, TX and San Angelo...it should be an interesting trip seeing how this is the first trip that Matt and I have seen his family since his Mom and Dad split. I will blog about our trip and my man when I get back.

Toodles...

Komen no more...

2007-09-24T15:58:00.000-05:00

Today when I went to my internship I found out awful news. Since my department I was interning with got split in half, from 4 people to 2 and my director supervisor's Mom has cancer they can no longer use me. The department is too small and my supervisor is already too stressed. I understanding all those things, but it still sucks.

It really sucks because I was getting credit for this internship. I have to get credit for this internship or I won't graduate. I already put in 70 hours, I needed only 50 more. What am I suppose to do now? Without those other 50 hours I can't graduate.

So I took the only steps I could do to help the situation. I asked Komen to put me in another department. I talked to my internship coordinator and my coordinator to get credit. They have not gotten back to me yet. Lastly, I talked to the Village and they can use me. They only thing left to find out is if I work at the Village will that count for credit??

Please pray for me that my coordinators would be flexible with me, that they would get this resolved, but more than anything pray that I will graduate when I am suppose to.

More than anything I feel like this is spiritual attack, but the Lord will be victorious in this. Just pray that He would get the glory and not me in this whole situation.

My Birthday

2007-09-20T16:07:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is my 23rd Birthday! Wow I use to think that was so old when I was in Junior High. Now I am thinking I am still so young. The world still has a lot to teach me and I am not nearly as wise as I thought I would be. I thought I would be a little closer to perfection by now. The only thing that I am closer to is seeing Jesus some day and He making me perfect. Because well I may only be 22 years old, but I do know that I will never be perfect here.

Birthdays help me to remember where I was last year. Last year I was no where near graduating. I was no where near knowing enough about my disease. I was just learning how to be a wife. I was dealing with lots of junk and trust issues, that were hard. I was sick a lot, and could not do much.

A year later, I am stronger. I am about to graduate. I am about to have a real job. Hopefully my disease will be cured soon. Hopefully I become a mom in the next year. Hopefully Matt and I love each other even more than we do now. More than that I hope we love Jesus more than we do now.

Birthdays are a fresh start, even if they are in the middle of the year (or towards the end of the year).

On a lighter note, my sweet husband is throwing me a dessert fondue and wine party. He bought all the decorations, and he is doing all the preparing. All I have to do is show up and have fun. I have the best husband. Not only is he doing this for me he is also taking me out to dinner on Saturday. I feel like a princess! Thank you Jesus for a wonderful man who treats me like you treat me!

Oh my gosh will the world just stop spinning

2007-09-15T19:56:00.000-05:00

I feel like ever since school started my head is in a whirlwind. Waking up early, making lunches, going to class, internship, home, rest, dinner, sleep. I guess this is what the routine of life is. Not so satisfying.

I have been reading Acts and I am so encouraged and so puzzled at the same time. Things keep going through my head like why don't we live like that anymore. Why can't we heal like they did? Would I sell everything for Jesus? Why am I not bold like those first century Christians? Why, why, why??

Our constant prayer is not to be American, not to live like it. Not to buy things frivolously, not to waste money, to invest in the world around us more than we invest in ourselves. Now I must say that we are not perfect by any means. But I did come to the realization this week that the Lord is changing my heart. I was driving one day and I was like if the Lord asked me to sell everything I own I would. It would be hard, but I would. If God calls us to China or India we would go. Its hard to live that way when everything around us is screaming at us to be selfish. I thank the Lord that we are working at it and He is bigger than us and He knows what is better for us.

I don't know when life will slow down for us, I don't know when we will not be constantly trying to catch up on things, but I do know that we are enjoying life even if it is hard, and I am still sick, and we hardly see each other, we are thankful!

Long time, no Blog

2007-09-01T14:21:00.001-05:00

I know that you have been "desperately" wondering why every time you click on those tonnes the same old post is there. Well its been a really busy two weeks and sitting down to check my blog or even write has been really difficult or not enough time in the day to that.

It breaks down like this....constant, unending pain, a new internship and school starting up makes me a tired, tired person.

That is all I have strength for at the moment. I found out today I have a sinus infection and it has been making me really nauseous so sitting up is just not the best thing for me. Hence the reason I missed two days of work already, man sickness sucks. That is a story for another time, that involves some very yucky stuff.

I know that you will be "eagerly anticipating" that story...

Money is falling...

2007-08-18T09:25:00.001-05:00

Yesterday morning Matt and I spent some sweet time in prayer that the Lord would provide money for his school so that we wouldn't have to take out a huge loan and put us deeper in the rabbit hole of debt. We pretty much prayed that the Lord would provide us money in ways that only He could get glory for. And he provided...

Matt went up to Criswell yesterday wearing his red Don't Worry I am with the Village shirt. Everyone got a kick out of that one. While he was there he got all his classes figured out and then went to pay for his tuition. We thought we were going to have to charge close to $900 but we only had to charge about $600. That means that God provided over $300 to us. He didn't get charged a random fee and got a tuition reimbursement for recommending a student to come to Criswell. This coupled with the church matching grant made for a much lower tuition bill. God really does provide, but it gets better...

Last night we went to the Staff Pool Party at the Mendosas. They were so hospitable and it was a great time hanging out with all our friends on staff. I got to know so of the Pastors wives better and that made me really happy. Well at the end of the night the Mendosa's had 3 piñatas. One for the kids, one for the ladies, and one for the men. When the ladies one finally fell I grabbed in side of it and grabbed out what I assumed was candy, but turned out later that is was over $85 in gift cards. I had grabbed all the gift cards. It was such a blessing, because we have been looking at ways to go on cheaper dates and now we get to go on several dates for free. We got a gift card to AMC, Maggianos, Starbucks, Sonic, and I-Tunes. God was definitely the orchestrator of that one.

So all in all, God was the only one we could give credit to yesterday for providing abundantly for us. I wanted to write the story so that whenever you feel hopeless that God provides you can look back at our story and know that He does. It will help me to remember too, and I need reminders all the time, because just like the Israelites I so often forget His goodness.

I feel like a horse kicked me in that back...

2007-08-16T10:39:00.000-05:00

After reading that you are probably wondering why??? Let me explain.

Tuesday I had an appointment with the Pain Management Doctor. It went really well and Dr. Ogin was really compassionate and super sweet. He has been working with people in pain for many years and understands how hard it is to try everything and not have anything work. Such a blessing from the Lord. While we were there we went over several options:

1. Take a time released pain killer twice a day and an anti-inflammatory once a day that will not hurt my stomach. And if I have some breakthrough pain then I am to take another painkiller.
We were a little worried about this, but we talked to him and his goal like ours is that I do not become addicted to pain killers, but that I am pain free so I able to function.

2. On Wednesday (yesterday), he performed this procedure in which they insert two large needles (loaded with local anesthetic) through my back into the nerves that are connected to my uterus to numb them. I was under general anesthia and it only took like 20 minutes.
This procedure did not work, however. He has actually never seen it not work. Always me, one in a hundred. After it was done I was in more pain than before and my back now felt like a horse kicked me. When we were changing my band-aids later we saw a huge bruise and assumed that is what is hurting me.

Needless to say, the Tonnes and Dr. Ogin are back to the drawing board. There is another procedure with large needles and some alcohol compound that might work. We are still praying about that one, because if the other procedure didn't work - will this one?

So today I am at home resting dreaming of the cruise that Matt and I are going on in January courtesy of my Dad and Step Mom. It is a 5 day cruise out of Galveston that stops in Cozumel and Progresso. It is my graduation gift from them and we are so excited. We were researching a couple of days ago and found that we can go see a Mayan Ruin outside of Progresso - we are so excited.

So please be praying for discernment and wisdom from the Lord about what the next step in battling this endometriosis is. Thank you...

Update

2007-08-10T14:43:00.000-05:00

Hey blog world, hope you link the new colors...

Yesterday Matt and I made a firm decision that we were going to pursue Pain Management for my endometriosis. I talked to the Pain Management Clinic down the street from us and they work with several ladies who have endometriosis and they respond really well. So that is encouraging - pray that it helps me as well.

Also, my gyn finally came through and agreed with me about Pain Management. They perscribed me some medication to get me through the pain this weekend and told me to stay on my current birth control. So all of this sounds promising.

Today has been a much better day for me spiritually. I have been trusting the Lord more, and praying that He would fill me with His strength. Matt and I have a hard time trusting that He will actually heal me and then I remember the story of the man that was healed because he told Jesus to help his unbelief. I often pray that way.

We will see most of you tonight at NXGen Kickoff! We are excited...

Fight mode once again

2007-08-08T10:09:00.000-05:00

Besides being offered an internship yesterday, yesterday was really hard. Since Saturday I have been experiencing tremendous pain from my endometriosis. Yesterday all I wanted to do was die. But I am still here, so that was obviously not the Lords plan for me.

Over and over in my head these thoughts raced....Why am I still in pain Lord? Is this spiritual warfare? What is your plan for my life? How do I manage and fight something that nothing seems to work to control it? What are the best options for me to deal with this? And they went on and on...

Fortunately, Matt and I had home group last night. When I got there I was in complete tears and our group prayed for us. There prayers were encouragement to our souls and helped us keep fighting one night more. They told us that it is awesome to see the Lords strength in us even in such times we have had, and I kept thinking that is why I fight and keep going its for His glory. They may not have all the answers (which sometimes I wish they did), but they are able to walk and fight with us and that helps us keep going.

After lots of prayer and thinking I decided to call my doctor today to see if he will up my birth control. If he doesn't then I am making an appointment with this other doctor I found. I will keep fighting until someone will listen to me and help me to get rid of this pain. Matt and I prayed a lot about pain management, and though it seems good to deal with the pain it will never get to the root of the problem (so thats just not a good option). And I would love to use holistic medicine (acupuncture, massage, etc.), but well insurance doesn't cover that stuff. So either the Lord needs to send like an extra couple hundred dollars a month or I try to do those things at home.

Be praying with us that the Lord would give us discernment about what is the right direction for us to pursue in fighting this disease...thank you.

Official Intern

2007-08-07T17:08:00.000-05:00

I was officially offered an internship position at Susan G. Komen for the Cure. I accepted the position and I start August 20th. I am really excited to work with the ladies I interviewed with. I willing be assisting on several interdepartmental projects and training.

Up until now everyone as asked me what I want to do with my Sociology degree. I never knew. I realized last week that I wanted to work at a non-profit organization planning and improving different programs for them. I never wanted to be a Social Worker or do Advocacy, I always wanted to so the business side of Sociology. I think this internship will give me business experience while helping people.

I am a behind the scenes kind of person and I am always looking for new ways to improve things. At this internship I will be helping to improve different areas of Komen which we reach them closer to their goal of a cure. I think I have the best internship ever (at least in my opinion)...

Praise Jesus for providing one for me!

Random Fun

2007-08-05T13:28:00.001-05:00

So I was tagged by my friend Rebekah to give 8 random facts/habits about myself.

The Rules:
1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules. (**if you’re a non-blogger, you can email them!)
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

My eight random facts and/or habits:

1. I never visited UNT before deciding to go there.

2. I am on a Chris Tomlin CD. The one that I think is called Not to Us, But to His Name... He recorded part of it at my church in the Woodlands, where he use to be the worship pastor. He wanted real voices singing some of the parts so I sat in the recording and sang.

3. I had braces almost all of my schooling. (This is what happens we the Lord "blesses" you with missing teeth.) I had them from 3rd-5th grade and then from 7th-12th grade.

4. I played lacrosse in high school. Well I wasn't very good, but I did play.

5. I have always wanted to visit Nepal. I don't know why, but my whole entire life I have wanted to go there and see the Himalayas.

6. I still color for fun. Matt brought me the box of 96 crayons and a couple of coloring books and whenever I need a break I color.

7. I don't like repeating recipes. The first year that Matt and I were married I think I tried a new recipe every week, maybe like 2 recipes every week. My mom repeated the same foods all the time when I was a kid and I hated it, so I vowed never to do it when I had my own family.

8. While at the hospital, one of my many times, I was heavily sedated on pain killers and Matt and I decided to play Scrabble. I could barely sit up, but I still beat him. I am the speller in the family.

Okay well I guess now I am suppose to tag some other people. Well I am not very good at remembering everyones blog name so I am just not going to do that. I know it breaks the chain...such a party pooper I am.

Busy, Busy, Busy

2007-08-02T16:07:00.000-05:00

Life for the Tonnes have been go, go, go with no end in sight. I don't know if its a good thing or a bad thing. We are doing all these wonderful things, but then Matt and I have hardly anytime to see each other. From sickness to work to things at the Church. We love all that we are doing but really miss each other.

And confession time...

I am really not looking forward to school starting in the Fall, because well that means less time with my husband. With each of us taking 3 classes and working it is going to be hard to find time with each other. It really makes me sad when I think about it, and then I see the whole picture of how it is just for a few months.

Matt C talked a lot about making sacrifices for the great cause = Jesus this weekend at church and God has really been testing that in me. He is throwing things at us that we could be selfish and not do, or invest in people by doing them. It has been great, but well my flesh takes over and wants it to be about me. I guess we will just have to keep praying not to us, but to His name...

Its not about us, right? So easy to say, but so hard to live out.

Internship

2007-07-26T11:50:00.000-05:00

So my time of intense concentration a view weeks ago payed off. I have an interview next week with Susan G. Komen. I knew my resume was good, it just wasn't Gods timing yet for me to have an interview.

Well its not paid, but it is experience and experience is good. It gets me closer to a real job upon graduation.

I feel grown-up!

Life has calmed down...a bit!

2007-07-25T16:22:00.001-05:00

So its been about 2 weeks since my incident at Wal-mart with the 12 year old boy running into me and severely bruising my big toe. I think in a couple of days I will actually be able to walk normally.

So I haven't developed any new weird symptoms, which is a blessing. Since Matt and I started dating 2 years ago, something new happened every time I got better from something else. We have been praying that would stop. I am still not feeling a 100% more like 50%, but I have not developed anything new. That is a great praise for us!

We are just trying to make it a few more months. I graduate in December, so we thought October would be a good time to "start" trying. Hopefully getting pregnant will give me so much needed relief from the constant pain of endometriosis.

We may start trying in October, but there is no guarantee we will get pregnant fast, we are just trusting that the Lord will give us a child in his time.

It kind of freaks me out that I may be a mom soon, I still don't know a whole lot, and that scares me. But well we all mess up, I just pray that when we do have kids the Lord will show us how to parent.

Flooded kitchens, bruised toes, and chaotic living rooms

2007-07-19T15:42:00.000-05:00

So yes our kitchen flooded last night because our washer machine decided to poop out on us. My toe is still throbbing and bruised and our living room is still chaotic.

So in the mist of this, I am still bitter and frustrated. Why is everything seeming to go wrong? Why is the Lord putting on through this? What lesson have we not learned yet?

In an effort to obtain some organization in life I spent the most of today applying for Special Events internships. When I graduate the Lord has placed it on my heart to do event planning. I think I would find joy in this and really enjoy going to work everyday. I just want to be a Mom, but I know financially I will need to work. I struggle with the fact that I will not be a stay at home mom, but then I remember Erin Orton and Kim Corso who are great moms who do work. I don't think we need to stay home to be a godly woman or a good mom. The Lord makes us that way!

So my heart is still angry, but I am learning a little bit more to trust. The Lord has given me strength beyond myself these days, and encouragement I didn't know that was in me.

I feel like a 2 year old

2007-07-17T00:00:00.000-05:00

As most of you know this is not our kid. This may not be a our kid, but I can definitely relate to how he is feeling. The best way to describe my attitude the past 2 days is a 2 year old having a temper tantrum. When children don't get there own way they scream and cry until either the parents give in our they get punished. I have been screaming and crying and being cranky because well I am not getting "my way" from the Lord.

I am reminded of the text in I think Peter that pretty much says you are not a baby so stop trying to act like one. Well I have been a big baby, and want my way, which to me is to be healthy, and the Lord is not giving it to me. He continues to make me experience trials and I just want life to be easy, I just want the chaos to stop. I just want to pout in the corner until the Lord heals me, but I am not 2 any more and life isn't fair.

So today, I decided to stop pouting and just accept being sick, and that the Lord is just in doing it. It is not fun, but I am a grown-up, and grown-ups don't drink milk anymore, but solid food. Life is not about me, and the minute I started pouting it became about me.

This growing up thing is hard sometimes...

A Broken Toe

2007-07-12T21:09:00.000-05:00

So I am pretty sure that I broke my toe. And this time it was not because I was clumsy. It was because a 12 year old at Walmart ran into it and got it just right. So much for no more sickness.

On that note, Matt and I have been praying for awhile that after I get better from one thing that another thing would not happen. For instance, ulcer, surgery, then broken ankle, that was the story last year. Obviously the Lord has to teach me something, because well my endometriosis should be under control soon, and well then this happens.

I am no longer on Lupron for my endometriosis back to continuous birth control. Which is a definite answer to prayer. We were praying that there would be something that would keep me almost or pain free until October, when we could begin trying to have a baby. We have to wait until then because I need to finish school and then get a job. So please be praying that the Lord would provide in all those things.

I am reading through Luke right now and it really has been showing me that the Lord can heal, and He does heal. For awhile I have been very fickle in my prayers with healing. But I am praying and trusting that He is a Healer and that He will and can help me. But I am also realizing that if he doesn't heal me He is not a bad God, He is glorifying himself.

Life never gets uninteresting for us...

Life with Endometriosis

2007-07-05T15:39:00.000-05:00

The past several days have been hard. My endometriosis has struck me and debilitated me. It is so hard juggling everything with this crippling disease. I was pretty much at rock bottom today, but the Lord continues to give me strength.

I don't know why I got stuck with this disease, but the one thing I do know that God is Wise, Generous, Loving, and Good, so this must be for his glory.

Having endometrioisis really puts a damper on our marriage sometimes. The Lord has blessed me we such a sweet and supportive husband and that helps make feel like I am not unlovable. I can't always have the house clean or cook dinner, but Matt still loves me. It is great to see the Lords steadfast love through my husband.

Right now we are just in fight mode with this incurable disease. Trying to manage my pain, the best that we can, and pray the Lord is a healer. The faster I get out of school, the faster we can start trying to have children (which is the only cure). We just pray the Lord is our Sustainer until them.

God is more valuable than anything

2007-07-03T15:10:00.000-05:00

Matt taught this weekend at Kids Village. He taught that God is more valuable than anything. It is funny how God made us learn that yesterday. Yesterday was a rough day, I was believing lots of lies that Satan was throwing at me and I was not fighting well. Instead of pressing into the Lord I went shopping to she if that would make me feel better. Sad confession of mine. It however, did not make me feel better and I realized that God really is more valuable than anything. He is more valuable than a job, a clean apartment, or being super fit. All the things I was worrying and stressing about. When I started listening to His truth the stress went away. I am so glad he is in control and not me.

So after a stressful day at work, Matt came home to a depressed wife. Bless the Lord for sending me a husband whom loves me despite all of me. By the end of the night, however, things were better and we realized that life is not about us, and not about the American ideal of life, it is about Jesus.

I am still learning this hard lesson today as I fight endometriosis hard and a sinus infection. I still feel like being healthy is whats best, but the Lord continues to show me that health is not what is best for me and that I need to trust Him. So I continue to trust that the Lord is doing whats best for Matt and I. He keeps delivering even when I am not fully believing in His power.

Our First Anniversary!

2007-07-03T13:17:00.000-05:00

On our anniversary weekend we went to the Dallas World Aquarium, we wanted to take all the cute animals home.

This sloth was our favorite, when we saw her, we thought he had to be a stuffed animal, but she was real.

This is a picture of Matt in front of the waterfall. He is no animal, but definitely my favorite creation that God has made.

Flamingos are interesting animals, God had a fun time making them!

We felt like this penguin was actually looking at us and interacting with us. We couldn't stay by the penguins long because the dead fish smell was gross, but they were all so cute.

Well this is not from the Aquarium, but the Melting Pot. We had our anniversary dinner there. It was wonderful, so much food, but so romantic!

Matt and I had a great weekend together. After eating at the Melting Pot we had to go walk around, so we went to the Container Store. Yes we are lame, or just getting old, because we liked looking at all the organizing stuff.

On Sunday on our way back we stopped at Whole Foods. I was in heaven with all the great foods they had, it was there that we agreed that we are nerds for going to a grocery store on our Anniversary. But well we found each other!

Snippets from the life of those tonnes

2007-07-02T09:12:00.000-05:00

For a long time I have been blogging on Xanga. I feel like its time for a more public domain for blogging.

Matt and I just finished our first year in marriage and it has been wonderful. The Lord has showed me constantly what it is like to make our home a refuge for Matt. When I was single it was really easy to keep things messy until I got to them, but now I want things to be clean, most of the time, so Matt feels welcome and warm in our home.

I am also reminded ever so often of my role as a helper. The Lord has quenched my desire to lead with Matt, and let him do that, and just help him along the way. It has been a hard adjustment for me to not be in control, but it has opened up my ability to trust the Lord that not only does He have my best interest in mind, but that Matt does too.

The adjustment into being a Pastor's wife has been easier than I thought. Even though sometimes I get jealous of Matt's time, I love being able to serve with him. In serving, I fall more in love with my husband. Maybe its because I see Jesus in Him constantly, or I get to see all the traits I fell in love with exemplified through marriage. I absolutely love helping my husband in all aspects of ministry, something that I thank the Lord for.

The Lord has grown me in more ways than I ever good imagine this year. He continues to lessen my hasty speech and teach me to rest in Him. Its been amazing to look back and see that we are not the same as we use to be, not even close. Sanctification is a beautiful thing!